Like exercising to achieve physical fitness, learning to relax takes time and practice. It is worth investing time and energy in establishing daily habits that encourage relaxation.

We can become habitually tense, so that over time we gradually become accustomed to the sensations of living in a state of tension which we then experience as ‘normal’.

Here are some signs of significant levels of tension:
• aching muscles
• heart racing or pounding
• hyperventilating; feeling light-headed or faint
• persistent tiredness or exhaustion
• general aches and pains
• difficulty with sleeping
• grinding your teeth at night / jaw discomfort/ waking up tired
• stomach ‘in knots’
• frequent headaches, migraines
• frequent bowel movements
• racing thoughts; unable to think straight, concentrate or focus
• feeling constantly rushed and pressured
• overthinking, ruminating, circular thoughts, repetitive thoughts
• intensive preoccupation with a specific issue or concern

These symptoms can also be caused by other medical problems, so if you are unsure, it is worth checking persistent physical symptoms or symptoms that seem to be getting worse, with your GP.

A certain amount of tension can be beneficial in the short term: it makes us alert for example or motivates us to get on with something. If it goes on for too long, however, tension and stress can begin to cause problems with our day-to-day life, work and relationships.

If you are able to relax, at least some of the time, you can retrieve some of your non-stressed function and feel more capable and adaptable.

Which approach to relaxation?

There are many approaches to learning to relax and so it is a matter of finding an approach that works for you. Learning to relax muscle groups physically, or learning how to achieve mental relaxation through meditation, yoga, prayer or biofeedback are all possible approaches.
Your body is not disconnected from your mind or your emotions, and it is possible to use any of these starting points to benefit your entire being.

Like exercising to achieve physical fitness, learning to relax takes time and practice. It is worth investing time and energy in establishing daily habits that encourage relaxation.

Breathing

The way we breathe is fundamental to developing a more relaxed state of being.

Tension can result in breathing becoming faster and shallower.

The task is to use steady normal breathing to regulate your breathing

Allow your breathing to come from your lower abdomen: this means inhaling a little air using your lower abdominal muscles.
Push your stomach out when you breathe in and pull it in when you breathe out and this will help you to breathe from your abdomen and to regulate your breathing (try not to hold your breath).
Let your breathing become gentle, easy and regular by counting to 5 as you breathe in and again to 5 as you breathe out.

Simple physical relaxation techniques

Here are some simple physical methods designed to be useful in everyday situations: they don’t aim to achieve deep relaxation or require you to lie down for half an hour but help to reduce unhelpful levels of tension, so that you can continue with your current activity more effectively.

Tension/relaxation

It is possible to achieve a greater level of muscle relaxation when you systematically tense up and then relax certain muscle groups.

Practising tension and relaxation can also help you to:

notice subtle differences between the sensations of being tense and being relaxed
achieve a more relaxed state which signals to the subconscious and instinctive parts of your system (the autonomic nervous system) that there is no need to be on high alert. This will slow down your heart rate and stop the release of adrenaline into your blood stream.

These exercises are deceptively simple but, like all relaxation methods, take time and practice.

The method

For each area of the body described here:

tense up and then relax the muscle groups described
do each exercise three times and then pause
build the exercises into your daily routine, for example before you shower in the morning, or before you go to bed at night

Hands

When we are tense our hands can become shaky, clench into a fist, or grip onto something, such as the arm of a chair

Stretch out your hands so that your fingers are straight and spread out.
Hold that position for a moment and feel the tension across your palms and the back of your hands.
Then let your hands relax and flop beside you, or onto your lap.
Resist the urge to hold onto something; just let them hang loosely beside you or let them rest in your lap.

When hands are relaxed, the fingers are gently curved, neither tightly curled nor straight, and are floppy, not stiff.

Shoulders

When we are tense up, our shoulders are commonly raised or hunched

Pull your shoulders down.
Feel the tension under your arms and up your neck.
Hold that position for a moment. Then let them relax and return to a natural position.

Head and neck

Working at desks or keyboards, or in labs, can lead to a lot of time spent holding the head and neck in a particular position

It is possible to ease the tension in your neck muscles by:

lying comfortably with your head supported in a straight line with your spine
standing or sitting, with your head balanced and looking straight ahead – neither angled to one side, nor looking up or down.

You can also try these movements, but it is important to do so carefully and gently – do not push or strain while doing them

Gently tip your head to look up and feel the tension in your neck.
Gently tip your head down, tucking your chin towards your chest.
Turn your head to the right, without straining.
Turn your head to the left, without straining.

Face

There are many muscles in our face, and so this is an area that is susceptible to tension. As with other muscle groups, it is possible to tense up and then relax these muscles. Take extra care if you wear either contact lenses or dentures

Here is another method which is easy to practise wherever you are

Let all the expression go from your face.
Let your forehead become smooth.
Allow your jaw to sag with your teeth just apart (though your lips may still be closed).
Look straight ahead and into the distance, without squinting or trying to focus.

Relaxing thoughts

The physical relaxation method described above should help you to relax psychologically and emotionally too.

Here are some suggestions which may help further with psychological/emotional relaxation.

Replace stressful thinking with calming visualisations

One approach is to turn your mind away from stressful thoughts and situations, and instead, envisage something that you associate with feeling calm or relaxed. You will need a few minutes for this one.

Think about a place, real or imaginary, in which you would like to be right now – somewhere you can relax and put aside the cares of the world for a little while. Gradually begin to imagine the details of this place – notice what you might see, hear, smell or feel in this place. What is the physical sensation of being in your relaxing place, and what about these sensations might feel soothing? For example, this might be the warmth of sunshine on your skin or the experience of water gently lapping at your feet. Gradually return to the present moment, retaining the sensations of physical soothing.

Thinking about something stressful while practising physical relaxation

Taking the above approach further: once you are physically relaxed, try imagining yourself in a situation that you feel tense about, and then focus again on relaxing. Alternate your attention between the tense situation and relaxation, until you can remain relaxed while thinking about this situation. In this way you can ‘rehearse’ for a coming stressful exam, interview or presentation mentally before you have to face it in reality.

For example, in order to prepare for a stressful event such as a presentation at work, first relax physically, then imagine yourself delivering your presentation. When you can do this and still remain relaxed, begin to introduce thoughts about the day before the presentation while practising remaining relaxed. Then think about going to the presentation, and eventually imagine yourself delivering the presentation, all while retaining the more relaxed feelings.

Relaxation and sleep

Relaxing is not the same as sleeping. Many people sleep without being very relaxed, and although relaxing can lead one to yawn or feel sleepy, it might not lead to sleep.

Learning to relax can certainly help you to get to sleep more easily, and then to sleep more restfully. Use the physical relaxation exercises described earlier when you are ready for sleep.

Here are some other suggestions that may help with sleeping

Don’t use your bed as a place to work during the day.
Stop working at least an hour before you want to sleep.
Put any work materials out of sight of your bed.
Develop an easily repeatable calming and slowing down routine prior to going to bed.
Yawn! Contrived yawns are just as good as spontaneous yawns in helping you slow down your breathing and releasing fluid between your eyelids which will enable them to stay closed all night. Having yawned, keep your eyes gently closed.

Stop thinking altogether

To quieten all thoughts and leave an empty mind is very difficult, but if thoughts are going round and round in your mind as you attempt to sleep, try the following ideas

Try the physical relaxation techniques described above.
With your eyes gently closed, look straight ahead as if you are staring into space, looking at a distant, unmoving spot. Maintain your focus on this distant spot.
If your thoughts still won’t stop, try focusing on your breathing and gently slowing it down. Identify a physical focus for your tension and tune in to the physical sensations there, noticing how your steady breathing might be easing any tension that you feel.
Engage with undemanding psychological tasks such as counting sheep (yes, really!) or counting backwards from 100. You might imagine the steps involved in cooking your favourite recipe or going on a walk that you enjoy.

Building relaxation into everyday life

For these techniques to be useful, you will need to build them into your everyday life, so that when something very stressful comes along, you are already thoroughly practised in the skills of relaxation and can intuitively use them in the midst of difficulty. Practise when life is going well, so that you can introduce them when you are experiencing stressful events.

As time goes by, you will probably find that you are more readily aware of any signs of tension in your body. As you become more alert to the early warning signs in your body, you might be able to begin to relax before tension becomes too intrusive or disabling.

You may become so proficient that you do not need to tense up muscle groups before relaxing them – you might find that, in time, you can simply relax at will.

When you could use some additional support

If you want further help with learning to relax, or with learning to apply relaxation techniques in stressful circumstances, you could do one of the following: